The Weight of Loneliness
I am no stranger to loneliness. I’ve made 3 interstate moves in the US, and with each move, have had to start over completely. As I’ve done the personal work to heal and let go of old parts of myself, I’ve had friendship breakups and distance from family members. All this has been necessary to make room for new friendships and relationships that are more healthy and aligned with who I am now, but the transition period and grief that come with that can be destabilizing. I’ve found that no matter how many social events I attend or how many people I hang out with, it still feels lonely because everyone is new. It takes time to build meaningful friendships with depth and mutual understanding. It’s even harder in busier cities where people are more individualistic, and well, busy. Plenty of my clients have expressed the same struggle with loneliness whether they’ve been in Chicago for a short period of time or a number of years. It’s less about not having a romantic partner and more about the feeling of disconnection.
As an introvert and a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person — a personality trait that affects about 20% of the population), my nervous system gets overstimulated easily, and I am sensitive to other people’s energy. This means that I need to be selective about who I spend time with. If I’m constantly going to social events, I will burn out pretty quickly. I take a risk every time I meet a new person, not knowing what their energy will be like. Often times, I leave interactions feeling drained because there wasn’t much of a connection. What I’m noticing is that most people in busier cities operate at a faster pace, which can translate to the way they interact with others — for example, constant chatter without much substance; fast moving conversations that lack presence, intention, and mindful listening. Not only is this exhausting for me, but it can lead to feeling misunderstood or unseen, which results in being depleted rather than nourished after a get-together. Don’t get me wrong, there have also been social interactions that leave me feeling fulfilled, but these are far and few between. I know that it just takes time, patience, and persistence with exploring different settings, activities, and communities, but there are days when I get so tired that it feels like I’m crumbling under the weight of loneliness.
If you can relate to any of this, know that you’re not alone. If you’re tired of navigating the landscape of small talk and social masks, I’m here to empathize and be with you on an authentic level. When you’re with me, you don’t have to pretend to be anything that you’re not. You don’t have to fake smile, fill silences, chuckle at things you don’t find funny, or act like you “have it together.” It doesn’t matter if you’re shy, socially anxious, awkward, or don’t know what to say in any given moment. You can just show up exactly as you are. Whether you want casual conversation to lighten things up, a deep discussion that feels profound, or just to sit in stillness with someone, I will show up as my genuine self and hold space for you wherever you’re at. If you’d like to spend time with me in this context, check out these services: relational coaching, platonic dates, platonic cuddling, and GFE dates.